I'm back in LA but this was a piece I posted in New York during my trip. I hadn't been back to New York in almost 10 years. I had lived there for four years while I was in college. Visiting was an interesting experience. A bit like seeing an old ex-girlfriend at a party after you've both long moved on. While you can rationally understand why you are no longer with that person and wouldn't want to be with them now, it's difficult to ignore as easily accessible an emotion as dormant love. There's also the sense that the person you once knew and loved doesn't exist any longer. There are hints- she cut her hair, her outfit reflects the era she exists within, rather than the clothes featured in your memory. But above all else, it's the knowledge that the world doesn't stop turning when you close your eyes and people (and places) grow and evolve even when you're not there and have stopped thinking about them. To them, the change is imperceptible. They've seen the gradual evolution but ten years between those who were once as intimate as I was with New York, I was struck by the strange emotion of betrayal. How could she have moved on so easily? Had New York missed me at all? Had I ever mattered to New York in the first place? I like to think so, though I suppose we only run ourselves down worrying so much about things we knowingly left behind. New York is a magical place and I'm so happy I got to revisit it, and perhaps like the ex-girlfriend at the party, I'm glad I went over and talked to her, found out she's happy with her new job, her new boyfriend and yet, I could tell that there was some small part of her that missed me, that also accessed those memories of adventurous nights 10 years ago, when I would walk with her, my heart so full of hope and expectation for an exciting future. Then as the party winds down, we each go our separate ways. But our eyes linger for a moment in the other's as we say goodbye and wonder just what could have been. But only for a moment- and then it's gone.