The Limo Scene
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 1:35PM ;)
Posted this up in Beverly Hills. The good people of 90210 are notoriously quick to remove anything that could be viewed as vandalism so I usually steer clear as stuff only lasts a day at the most. Surprisingly this one is still going strong.
I like to think that the following scene took place...
INT. LIMO - DAY
A man and his wife ride in the back of a limo. The man wears an ascot, his wife clutches a tiny white dog. The man sips from a martini glass, his wife pets the dog compulsively. The man gazes out his tinted window- suddenly he begins coughing! He spits out a large quantity of gin against the window as his monocle swings wildly.
MAN:
CHAUNCY! STOP THE CAR AT ONCE!
WOMAN:
Dear, what seems to be the problem?
DOG:
YAP!
The car pulls over. The man rolls down his window.
MAN:
THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!
WOMAN:
What on earth are you talking about?!
The man points. His wife's eyes follow to an electrical box with a poster reading "Forgive Someone" affixed.
MAN:
Obama is to blame for this!!
DOG:
Yap!
WOMAN:
Charles! Do relax! You're scarring Augustus!
MAN:
This cannot stand! They'll begin 'occupying' in no time!
WOMAN:
But look! There are caution signs surrounding it. The city sees what a horrible blight this vandalism is and are taking appropriate measures. I'm sure the team that is commissioned to destroy this miscreant's handy work and then apprehend him for his severe but absolutely fair punishment, most likely left to retrieve the bomb squad. After all, "Morley" sounds an awful lot like "Muslim".
MAN:
By jove you're right. I only hope that they do hurry, just the sight of that atrocity might arose the Latinos to revolt.
DOG:
Yap!
WOMAN:
They're working as fast as they can. Our tax dollars will make sure of that!
MAN:
Tax dollars? But I'm a job creator!
DOG:
Yap!
WOMAN:
Now please Chauncy, drive on. All this excitement is upsetting to Augustus.
MAN:
Yes, I can see that he looks a little bit strange... I... what's he doing?
Suddenly a violent explosion of diarrhea sprays from the dog's anus. The Wife tries to scream but her mouth is filled with excrement. The Man wrenches back, clutching his face.
MAN:
My eyes! I've been blinded by fecal matter!!
The car screeches to a halt. The driver looks back, his eyes widen in dismay.
CHAUNCY
DAAAAAMN!
Chauncy quickly unbuckles his belt and exits the car, sprinting away and leaving his car door open.
The Dog continues to spray the car with brown liquid. The camera zooms in on the dog's face. We CG him smiling at the camera and giving a wink. We freeze frame and credits slowly roll as a kick ass Kenny Loggins song plays. If we can afford the Footloose theme, get it!
--- AND SCENE! ---
I've just been told that this script was optioned. Colin Firth is attached to play the role of "Man", Elizabeth Shue in the old woman makeup from Back to the Future 2 is playing "the Woman", The dog from The Artist is playing the role of "Dog" and Eddie Griffin is playing "Chauncy the Driver". He actually made us add in the "DAAAAMN" line. It was part of his contract.
I kid, I kid.
Truthfully, I'm glad to see this poster is still riding. I hope it's message resonates to those who see it. And I apologize for all the heavy handed stereotyping of wealthy people. I hope the person they forgive is me.
Reader Comments (1)
i hope you practiced caution around that treacherous patch of broken pavement like the sign told you to.